Understanding
Men
If you ask a man what he's thinking and he'll usually reply,
"Nothing". Ask If there's a problem and he'll
"Should I have a problem?" Communication with
your man is hampered by factors over which he has little control.
His brain structure
For most women,
talking about feelings is easy. Not so for most men. Females
have feeling centres on both sides of their brains, with plenty
of connections to communication zones so they can effortlessly
express their feelings. Men's feeling centres are on one side
of the brain, and their ability to communicate feelings is on
the other. There are fewer connections between the two sides
of male brains, so most men find expressing feelings a difficult
task.
His upbringing
Women grow up talking
about themselves. Ask a group of kindergarten-aged boys and
a similar group of girls to build a sand castle. By the time
they've finished, the girls will have exchanged names and made
friends, using activities as occasions for self-disclosure and
emotional sharing. Boys are goal oriented and less interested
in each other, so won't converse.
His goals
Men want to
prove themselves, so they actively seek opportunities to compete
and achieve. Females, on the other hand, create opportunities
to share. Boys' games have rules and there's plenty of arguments
about who's boss, while the goal for girls is cooperation, not
competition.
His interests
Men's communication
with each other is based on facts. Men use conversation to swap
facts and compete for status. Women use conversation to swap
feelings and build relationship bridges. This difference
poses no problem within each group, but put a man and a woman
together and the last thing she wants to know is the score from
the last game. She wants to know about him, but a man is not
used to talking about himself unless it's to impress other men.
His avoidance
During courtship
men are in their element, asking about your likes, your past
and your plans. Men feel competent communicating at the level
of facts - it's feelings that stump them. If a man can't
excel at an activity, he's likely to avoid it. This is especially
true of meaningful conversations, where women are top of the
class.
His fears
Men dislike
conflict and become more physically distressed during a fight
than women do. Your man may fear that if he says what he's really
thinking or feeling you'll get angry and it'll lead to an argument.
Rather than face a confrontation, men remain tight-lipped and
say nothing.
His vulnerability
Anger is the only
emotion males will freely express. Feelings of sadness, fear,
anxiety and loneliness are not considered macho. Men are frightened
a woman will think less of them for displaying these "weak"
feelings. Despite men's tough exterior, they
fear rejection and criticism.
