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The Men and Boys


Understanding Men

If you ask a man what he's thinking and he'll usually reply, "Nothing". Ask If there's a problem and he'll
"Should I have a problem?" Communication with
your man is hampered by factors over which he has little control.

His brain structure
For most women, talking about feelings is easy. Not so for most men. Females have feeling centres on both sides of their brains, with plenty of connections to communication zones so they can effortlessly express their feelings. Men's feeling centres are on one side of the brain, and their ability to communicate feelings is on the other. There are fewer connections between the two sides of male brains, so most men find expressing feelings a difficult task.

His upbringing
Women grow up talking about themselves. Ask a group of kindergarten-aged boys and a similar group of girls to build a sand castle. By the time they've finished, the girls will have exchanged names and made friends, using activities as occasions for self-disclosure and emotional sharing. Boys are goal oriented and less interested in each other, so won't converse.

His goals
Men want to prove themselves, so they actively seek opportunities to compete and achieve. Females, on the other hand, create opportunities to share. Boys' games have rules and there's plenty of arguments about who's boss, while the goal for girls is cooperation, not competition.

His interests
Men's communication with each other is based on facts. Men use conversation to swap facts and compete for status. Women use conversation to swap feelings and build relationship bridges. This difference poses no problem within each group, but put a man and a woman together and the last thing she wants to know is the score from the last game. She wants to know about him, but a man is not used to talking about himself unless it's to impress other men.

His avoidance
During courtship men are in their element, asking about your likes, your past and your plans. Men feel competent communicating at the level of facts - it's feelings that stump them.  If a man can't excel at an activity, he's likely to avoid it. This is especially true of meaningful conversations, where women are top of the class.

His fears
Men dislike conflict and become more physically distressed during a fight than women do. Your man may fear that if he says what he's really thinking or feeling you'll get angry and it'll lead to an argument. Rather than face a confrontation, men remain tight-lipped and say nothing.

His vulnerability
Anger is the only emotion males will freely express. Feelings of sadness, fear, anxiety and loneliness are not considered macho. Men are frightened a woman will think less of them for displaying these "weak" feelings. Despite men's tough exterior, they
fear rejection and criticism.






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