This exercise will help you obtain an overview of the dynamics of your relationships and give you information that will help you to set clear boundaries for acceptable behaviour. You will need a large sheet of paper and some coloured pens.

One
In the middle of the page draw a symbol to represent yourself - for example, you might draw the sun, or a flower, or something more abstract such as two or three concentric circles, or a triangle in a circle.

Two
Now, using different colours to represent the various types of relationship you have, write the names (or if you prefer, draw symbols) of the people who are important in your life. Place each one at a distance from you that reflects the closeness of your relationship, and draw a connecting line between you; if the relationship is difficult, draw a broken line; if the bond is strong, draw a continuous line. Indicate the nature of your connection in words or using your own symbolic code.

Three
Using a different coloured pen, add to your relationship tree any people who were once important to you, but with whom you are no longer in contact, such as an influential teacher, or a deceased relative, or a friend who has moved abroad. There may be some unresolved issues between you, in which case join yourself to them with a broken line.

Four
Now draw appropriate interconnecting lines between the people on your diagram. For example, if your best friend gets on well with your brother, join them up with a bold, strong line. If your partner does not get on well with your father, draw a broken line.

Five
When you have finished, put the relationship tree on the floor and close your eyes for a moment. Then take a fresh look at it. Analyse the trouble spots and think how you could overcome the conflicts and form closer bonds where you wish to.