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How do you react to hurt?

You shut down. When my feelings are hurt, it's like steeldoors slam shut over my heart. If my boyfriend says anything out of line, I punish him by shutting him out. The trouble is, I also
punish myself. This "shut down, shut out" response blames the other person for your hurt. If you use this defence strategy, you probably grew up in a family where you were blamed for things that had nothing to do with you, like when someone says, "Look what you made me do!" You learnt to do the same to others. We choose how we feel about every aspect of life, including other people's opinions of us.

You feel like crying "At the office, I'm efficient and liked. But if someone criticises my work, I feel like a scolded kid. I want is to run away and cry." This reaction shows that you take on board everything other people say. Becoming childlike and anxious in the face of any real or imagined criticism suggests that during childhood, parents and other authority figures made you feel small and helpless. Instead of pointing out that your behaviour was less than perfect, you were told you weren't up to scratch. Even as an adult, you feel flawed if someone looks sideways at you.

You become angry and lash out , "I lose it when someone makes a negative comment about me. It's sad, because I overreact with my kids and they suffer. I wish I wasn't so sensitive."  If you lash out when you feel  targeted, this suggests that you have been on the receiving end of undeserved judgments and unwarranted criticism as a child, and you still feel like you're getting a raw deal. So you lose the plot  because feelings of anger tap into ac all the previous times you've been WI unfairly treated. This adds up to outbursts of rage. You overreact and lose control, lashing out at others because you feel that you are being treated unjustly.

Are you just overreacting?  While feeling wounded is a natural response, if you think that someone's out to hurt you, there are probably times when, deep ac down, you realise that your hurt m response has become an all automatic overreaction. While a look, word or gesture might trigger your feelings, once the reaction begins you have no control over it. The feelings you have of rejection well up and pr commonsense becomes lost in a whirlpool of negative emotions. Oversensitive adults all have one ac thing in common - as children, they suffered repeated rejection, instead of receiving unconditional love and acceptance. They learnt that the ( world is threatening and to be on the lookout for attack.

Make a change! Maybe it is time for a more constructive approach to help you feel in control of your feelings and I less like a puppet with everybody else pulling your strings.

Admit that you're oversensitive Admit that you take things too personally at times. This may be hard as you have probably been accused of being "too sensitive" I most of your life. In turn, you've always blamed people around you for their insensitivity, tactlessness and critical behaviour. When you blame others for your feelings, it is hard for you to acknowledge you've had a major part to play in your I problem. So take a good look at yourself. If you overreact to the smallest slight, real or imagined, admit it and decjde to change.

Assess the true threats
Before you react to slights, count questions and strategies to help. Put it into perspective. The other person: Do they care for me? Would they purposely try to hurt me? Even people who love us can be tactless at times. Is this person highly critical of others, not just me? '

Before reactioning
Is my response out of proportion to the offence? Are the feelings too painful, and do they last for too long? . When someone criticises you, throw it back in their court. Try a calm, assertive response such as, "I feel hurt and criticised by what was just said. Is this what you had intended?"

The care factor
How well does this person really know me? Does their opinion really matter to me?

 

 

   
 

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