Relationships

10 Ways Men Irritate Women

What are those things a man does that makes the woman in his life feel as if she might burst a vein in her head?

1.Thinking your driver's licence is not real. Somehow men just don't see your driver's licence as being quite as valid as theirs. Often, they would prefer to drive the whole way - even if it's 1500 kms - rather than asking you to drive for an hour or two. Point is, percentage-wise, women are involved in far fewer accidents than men are - ask any insurance company.

2. Assuming the house cleans itself. This is a big one. Sorry to be the bearer of bad tidings, but no, wet underwear does not remove itself from the bathroom floor, food does not miraculously appear on the table, or in the fridge, clean and ironed clothes do not get into the cupboard by themselves and the dishes don't clean by themselves overnight. Someone does all these things. Who do you think it could be? Could it be the other person in the house who also has a nine-to-five job? Wouldn't it be nice to wash the dishes every now and then without expecting a Nobel Peace Prize for doing it?

3. Being jealous. It drives women away when men treat them like awaiting-trial prisoners, whose every move is under scrutiny. When men do this, it's about their own insecurities and their fear of rejection. When a man treats a woman like this, isolating her and accusing her of all sorts of things, he is showing his fear, not his love, and exhibiting what he thinks is his right to treat her like a possession. Most women find relationships like these claustrophobic in the extreme.

4. Putting their mother on a pedestal. True, every woman has her bad and good qualities, but he thinks his mother is directly related to the archangel Gabriel. Your cooking, housekeeping skills, social skills, whatever, always fall short in comparison. And any criticism you express of this wondrous creature makes him look as if he's just been kicked in the teeth by his best friend.

5. It's win, win, win, all the way. Life, according to men, is one long competition, in which there are winners and losers. Women tend to be more co-operative and conciliatory by nature. Being fiercely competitive obviously has a place, but not when you're playing Ludo with your ten-year-old nieces and nephews.

6. Assuming their spending is necessary and women's wasteful. The subscription to the golf club is essential - more essential than toothpaste. Many men - there are fortunately exceptions - have no idea what basic household necessities cost. These days it's easy to blow $50 on unromantic household necessities like coffee, toilet cleaner, milk, dog food and cereal and it's not your partner's fault. She is not wasting money on luxuries.

7. Rather committing hara-kiri than asking directions. So, what's the deal here? Is a man expected to know all roads leading everywhere, even if he's not been there before? And what would happen if he stopped and asked someone instead of driving in circles for 45 minutes? Instantaneous combustion? A public whipping? Instant castration? Surely not, but the prospect, for some reason, is as daunting. Almost as daunting as going to see the doctor about his foot that's starting to look gangrenous.

8. Wanting to fix things, instead of listening to you. You've had a bad day - the twins had diarrhoea, the babysitter didn't arrive, but what did arrive was a hefty bill from the IRD. All you want is a sympathetic ear and a pat on the back and a tissue or two, and what do you get? Suggestions about medication, an offering to fire the babysitter and the telephone number of his tax consultant. OK, that's kind, but it's not what you wanted. You wanted a shoulder to cry on.

9. A thing of beauty forever. Men who have gone completely bald and who have a beer belly that would pass for a nine-month pregnancy assume that all women still find them attractive and flirt with them accordingly. BUT - they notice an extra three kilos on their wives - and comment on it. How fair is that?

10. They get paid more for doing the same thing. Technically this shouldn't be the case. But, statistics still tell the sorry tale of women being stuck in low-paid, heavygoing jobs with low starting salaries and lower than low glass ceilings. And, if one asks around, it still happens frequently that men are paid higher starting salaries than women.

But then, to balance all this out, there are the bear hugs when you really need it, the sorting out of the dent in your car and the e-mail just to tell you he loves you and the graciousness with which he deals with your difficult mother.

10 Ways Women Irritate Men

This is not a standard women-bashing article. This is just an effort to pinpoint those things in women that men find terribly irritating. Next it's the men's turn for this spotlight.

This article might also go a long way towards explaining why one woman who is a Plain Jane has a whirling social life and another who is a knockout watches TV every Saturday night - on her own.

1. Moaning Minnie. No man feels like getting involved with someone who constantly moans about everything - from the weather to the movie to the driving of other motorists. It's hard enough to stay positive, but with such a negative barrage coming from your date for the evening, you might as well have stayed home. It would have been more cheerful anyway.

2. Bodily insecurity. Call it the fault of the media, or whatever, but most women don't feel happy with their bodies. Constant insecurity about how she's looking can be really trying for any guy - and make the giving of any compliments a veritable minefield.

3. Gold digger. Most men, if they get the feeling their date is more interested in their bank balance than in them, would not make a second date. This is the 21st century and women should be able to look after themselves and not hang around waiting for someone else to pick up the bills.

4. Mood swings. Everyone has days on which they don't feel a barrel of laughs, but if someone goes all silent on you for hours or days without being prepared to tell you why, this can be a real turnoff. And all of this because you can't read her mind. (If you could, you'd be set up somewhere wearing beads in a caravan and making a fortune.) Imagine if you hit any real problems - what would she do if this is the way she reacts because she feels miffed by your choice of movie?

5. No other interests. If a woman cannot get excited about any other interests, sports or hobbies, but is purely fixated on the relationship or getting a new boyfriend, it can get very boring.

6. Waiting for a knight on a white horse. The time is over where women needed to wait for someone to come and make everything all right. Many men are loathe to take on full responsibility for someone else's existence - the new thing is a 50-50 partnership.

7. Fashion slaves. "Fashion is something so hideous that it has to change every six months" - according to Oscar Wilde. Most men are not very fashion-conscious and prefer a sort of middle-of-the road style of dress for themselves and for the women they date. Someone who won't go anywhere without makeup or unless she's dolled up to the nines in the latest fashion is downright tedious. Sometimes the girl-next-door look is just fine.

8. Talking about exes. Unless a woman is actually on her first date ever, she's sure to have some story to tell about an ex. She shouldn't. Men do not like hearing endless tales in which exes get trashed. They do not want to hear about exes. Point blank. If a woman talks about an ex-boyfriend all evening, she's obviously not over him yet.

9. Control freak. Most dates/relationships require a certain amount of compromise. But a man does not like it if he's always the one having to compromise. Neither does a woman, for that matter. But if someone's behaviour is controlling from the start, maybe a second date is not such a good idea. The real issue here is never which movie or which restaurant, but who is in control here. Who wants a lifelong battle for supremacy?

10. Voice volley. This is probably unfair, because people cannot always choose their tone of voice. But a voice that is high-pitched and drones on and on like a chainsaw would make most men think twice about a second date. The Nanny was funny, but could you listen to that voice if you had a hangover?