Unrealistic
expectations can leave you miserable
True love takes work but leads to real happiness
Carly, 38, secretary:
"I can't seem to meet the right guy. When
I find someone I like, it fizzles out after a few dates. I feel
miserable without a man."
Selina, 31, retail
manager: "The guys I date either compete with me
or are scared of me. What's the matter with men these days?
They're either too macho or they're wimps."
Gemma, 23, halrdre88er: "I meet lots of men, but they don't have
much to offer me. I'm looking for someone special who's got
everything I need." Do these complaints sound
familiar? These women have two things in common: they're expecting
too much from a relationship and, not surprisingly, they can't
seem to find a suitable partner. Are you guilty of unrealistic
expectations? Check this list of "love busters", and
if even one of them sounds reasonable to you, you're asking
far too much from a man.”
When I find the right
man, all my problems will be solved.
A relationship
should be a welcome addition to a full and happy life, not the
be-all and end-all. It's those single women who focus on getting
their lives on track who are most likely to attract a partner.
There's nothing more seductive than a woman who is happy and
gets support from a range of family and friends. Love is just
the icing on the cake of life.
He'll be smarter,
more successful, taller and earn more money than I do. If you're expecting Prince Charming with a million dollars, don't hold
your breath. Now that women have climbed the corporate ladder,
your potential mate may have less power, ambition and financial
security than you do. Ask yourself what you really want from
a relationship - a mortgage-free roof over your head and a limitless
credit card, or a best friend, lover and helpmate in life? Don't
judge a man
by what he does and has –
instead value him for who he is.
He'll make all the
right moves and sweep me off my feet.
Men are so
bewildered by what women want that they frequently hesitate to ask
a woman out. Men wonder, "Does she want an old- fashioned
gentleman who pays for dinner, or will she slap my face if I open the car door for her? "Men are more than ready to receive some help with
the confusion of modem dating. Tell him what works for you and
take responsibility for your half of the courting process. Why
not make the first move? He'll thank you for it.
We'll be perfectly
compatible. Perfect compatibility exists only in romantic
movies and novels, not in real life. Conflict is a natural part
of an intimate relationship. A common point of argument is men's
desire to see their friends and enjoy sports and hobbies which
don't include their partners. True love does not mean you have
to be joined at the hip 24 hours
a day. The right balance of outside interests and time spent
together adds value to a relationship.
He'll
know just what I want in bed without asking me.
Men are not
mind-readers. In fact, they have great difficulty knowing what
a woman wants in bed. For
a start every woman is different. Often men's information about
sex is questionable to say the least. Usually it's gathered
from pornography or school friends. There's a lot of pressure
on men to perform in bed. Women can help by being open and supportive
and not critical.
He'll change to please
me.
When you live
in close quarters with another person his annoying little habits
will inevitably drive you nuts. But don't expect that you'll
somehow learn to "love" his disagreeable ways. If
you can't love him just the way he is and tolerate his irritating
behaviour, give him a miss.
The relationship
will stay exciting and romantic forever.
Women adore
the early courtship phase of relationships. It's thrilling to
fall in love. During that first year both partners are on their
best behaviour, being polite, tolerant and reliable. It's all
an act. Once you settle into the relationship, you start to
be yourself. Suddenly there's more conflict. Don't despair - true love can't start until you feel safe enough to really be yourself.
Sure, the excitement may be less, but comfort, security and
bonding develops over time. Romance takes effort, so work together
to recreate that rapture whenever you can.
