Relationships- Love - Personals - Dating- Sex - Weddings - Divorce

 Relationships
Friends/Family

Marriage/Weddings

Sex/Sexuality
For Men
 Personals/Dating
Love/Romance
Infidelity/Divorce
Living/Lifestyles
For Women

 

 

Love and Romance

 

Fancy meeting you here?” How you meet can make a difference

                                          ,
Uma Thurman met hubby Ethan Hawke while they were working together on the sci-fi flick Gattaca. Catherine Zeta-Jones met Michael Douglas at the Deauville Film Festival. And, on a slightly less A-list note, my cousin once pointed to a harp player on the cover of an Argentinian folk album (don't ask) and said: 'She will be mine. 'They now have four children and an entire folk ensemble.

But most of us are more likely to first  brush hands with a guy over the fax or  meet through friends and, according to research, how you meet could determine how long your relationship will last. So read on to find out whether you're heading for conjugal bliss or an unfortunate miss..

If your eyes meet across the photocopier.

Apparently, 25 per cent of married couples meet at work, so this is pretty fertile territory for relationships. Although there are hazards - for instance, you know you're in trouble when you call him at home and leave your title and extension. 'I never wanted to get involved with anyone at work,' says Stephanie, 29, a lawyer. 'So even though I found Steven attractive,
I put it out of my head. But then, after a few too many drinks at a work do, it went on from there. Steven was paranoid about our colleagues finding out. He'd drop me a couple of blocks away from the office so we wouldn't arrive together and he even gave me a code name on his mobile phone. In the end it got too claustrophobic and, after three years, we split up.'

What are your chances? 6/10
When a couple work together and live together, there can often be a competitive element to their relationship. It's difficult to keep a boundary between home and work. In other words, if you're asking each other what you want for dinner via flip charts, you may have a problem.

How do you make it last? Keep that boundary between home and work. As soon as you're out of the workplace, recognise that you and your partner are boyfriend and girlfriend, rather than replicating your, office roles. On the other hand, avoid going up to him in meetings, tucking in his label and saying: 'You left the toilet seat up again.'
 

If it's a set up

Meeting through friends is the second most popular way to encounter our partner and guarantees you'll always b be invited to the same parties - although if you end up getting married, you'll only be able to fill half the church. "You must meet my friend, Ben!" was what my friend Sally always squealed when she saw me,' says Lane, 33, a graphic designer who had been single for several years. 'She ended up having a barbecue and invited Ben without me knowing. He arrived and immediately took an inordinate amount of interest in the salad dressing I was making, which he then nervously spilled down his white shirt. Still, he can't have been too put off  - he called a week later and we've been together for over a year now. At the
ginning it felt a bit pressured, knowing our friends wanted things to work out but now it's fine.'

What are your chances? 8/l0
There can be dangers. When setting you up, your friends are
making the enormous assumption that they know how you function in an intimate relationship. They don't. And
if it doesn't work out, it might cause ructions with your friendships.

How do you make it last? Lay some ground rules about your friendship before you enter a relationship. Say: "Thanks for pushing me to it, but now we need to do this by ourselves. Or you could shout: 'Put your binoculars away, you pervs’ but they might be offended.
.
If you bond over your hobby...

Whether you like the set of his sail or his impressive sky-diving technique, you're not alone if you meet your man while sharing a pastime or hobby. Thing is, how do you make sure you've still got things common the rest of the time? Just after Christmas last year I noticed how big my bum had got, remembers Kate, 29, a nurse. 'So I joined a gym noticed Christian on the rowing machine straightaway. One day he said “hi”, then suddenly clutched his shoulder agony. (He told me later he'd been trying to impress me by adding extra weights to the shoulder press machine.) I immediately went into nurse mode - and we haven't looked back since...

What are your chances? 9/10
A, shared interest lays a firm foundation, but it can be a problem if one half of the couple feels it takes priority. Of course, we omit from this category any couple with an unhealthy interest in plant-holder weaving or making their own macrobiotic yoghurt - they deserve everything they get.

How do you make it last? Acknowledge that there's more to life than your hobby and get it into context.Make friends with people who aren't into the same things otherwise you may be seen as selfish. You may also be seen as sad, but then you've always got each other.

If you pashed over the pina coladas. . .

Of the thousands of holiday romances women have every year, only a few last longer than that week in Bali, fading faster than your tan and leaving a nastier aftertaste than a dodgy cocktail. 'I was on a trip to Niagara Falls when I saw the handsome tour guide, Jake,' says Kirsty, 26, a mental health worker. 'I sat next to him at lunch and we didn't stop talking. When I got back home, I emailed him and he phoned the next day to say he'd booked a flight to Melbourne. I remember getting up at 5am to meet his plane, and putting on loads of make-up because I was worried I wouldn't look the same as I had on holiday. But we got on really well and moved in together after two months.'

What are your chances? 2/10
This couple looks like they'll make a go of it, but turning a holiday romance into a relationship is a rarity (try telling that to our' good on you' couples! We get wrapped up in the romance of walking along the beach at sunset and it all feels a bit different when you're trudging to work in the rain.'

How do you make it last? 'Take it nice and slow and get to know each other, warts and all. Of course, if you met in Bali you might already be familiar with each other's warts - but that's a different story.

If you bumped into him (literally). . .

It's like something from the movies: you bump into him in the street, your books go flying, your eyes lock and that's it - true love. But can it last? 'I'd been out and, after a few too many tequilas, limped home in a cab,' recalls Pippa, 32, a marketing manager: 'Next morning I discovered my Filofax wasn't in my bag. When I checked my voice mail, though, there was a message from someone called Justin who said he'd found it in the back of a cab and offered to drop it into my office. On Monday I came down to reception to find this Robert Downey jr look-alike holding my Filofax and grinning. At first I was suspicious, but we got on really well and arranged to meet a few days later. We've been together ever since and I'm moving in with him next month!'

What are your chances? 1/10
Meeting someone randomly is like going on a blind date. There's loads of curiosity in the beginning but if you meet in a random way, you have no idea what someone's like. That's the risk you take. Hazards are rife - he could bean axe murderer or, worse, a Scandal's fan.

How do you make it last? Take it slowly. You have a romantic story to base your relationship on, but otherwise you may have little or nothing in common.

 

 

   
 

Home

©2002
All rights reserved