Is This Relationship
A Non-Starter?
You have stars in your eyes and every time the phone rings,
you jump six feet high - it might be the new object of your
affection. But all might not be moonshine and roses. Often years
down the line, you'll ask yourself, "Why didn't I see the
signs?" But what are these signs everyone speaks of?
Pit of despair
You find that somehow you always talk about the other person's
bottomless pit of problems and there never seems to be time
for you to discuss yours. There never will be - get out while
you can. Also stay away from people who love catastrophes -
they will create them, if they don't happen by themselves.
You get stood up
OK, this happens in the best of families and one mistake one
can still forgive. But when it happens a second time, think
carefully about whether you feel like spending the rest of your
life waiting for someone who might not turn up.
Hard cash
When it comes to paying, your partner just somehow never has
the money. That's fine, as long as it was discussed beforehand.
If you find yourself constantly paying for everything, prepare
for a life where you work twelve hours a day to support someone
who spends his/her life in front of the TV or looking for that
big break which never comes. Your money is for the bond and
the insurance, his/hers for CDs and clothes.
Are you sure this is the right one?
If many of your friends are asking this question, take note.
One person could just be jealous, but two or three have spotted
that you are not really well-suited. Take heed, before it gets
too difficult to get out.
Lying through the teeth
If you find out that you have been lied to, chances are that
there are many occasions you were being duped and didn't realise
it. Do you feel like spending years of your life with someone
who does not respect you enough to be honest with you? OK, maybe
it was a small lie, but what else have they been lying about?
Mine, mine, mine
Being jealous is a natural thing. Being overly jealous is a
sign of danger in a new relationship. Do you feel like being
involved with someone who treats you like a prisoner - watching
your every move, in case you talk to someone else or have fun
with anyone but him/her? Don't confuse love and jealousy - they
are two very different things.
In-law trouble
Right, you are far from getting married, but having trouble
with each other's families could be a sign of future trouble.
This could be the beginning of years of recriminations and endless
trouble and strife. This is not true in all cases, but people
often end up copying their parents' relationship styles. Could
you live with what you see your partner's parents doing?
A good clout is a bad clout
If anyone hits you, get out immediately. This will not get better,
it will only get worse. You cannot change this. If someone is
used to sorting out problems or arguments with violence, chances
are they will not change, especially after they have married
you.
All your fault
If you start finding yourself apologising for things that are
not your fault, red lights should start flashing. You have communication
problems with this person, and he/she would rather blame you
than sort out whatever the problem is.
Why do you find that funny?
If you can't laugh with someone, hit the road. Humour is often
the thing which gets people through very difficult patches.
If you don't find the same things funny, maybe your perspectives
are just too different to consider a relationship.
When my ship comes in
Everyone has to hope and dream, but many people have unrealistic
dreams in terms of what their future holds. Dreaming about pots
of money is fine - if the person is prepared to put in the kind
of work required in order to get hold of this. Endless get-rich-quick
dreams point to a life of hardship for whoever is the partner
of this unrealistic dreamer.
Hitting the bottle
Addiction to any substance points to future problems. There
are many people who manage to sort this out, but there are also
many people who never do. Do you really feel like a life where
the money for the electricity bill disappears down your partner's
throat or up his/her nose?
Do as I say
One person in the relationship gets to make all the decisions
and there's hell to pay if the other doesn't toe the line. Whether
you make the decisions, or are spoken for, neither is a position
which is pleasant to be in in the long run.
Heaven knows when I can see you
There is always something more important in your partner's life
than you. Exams, family, sport whatever. OK, none of us can
be priority number one all the time, but if this person never
has time for you, rather start a relationship with someone who
does.
Let's keep it a secret
If someone does not want to acknowledge to the world that they
are in a relationship with you, there's a problem. If everything's
fine when you are at home, but you get ignored at parties, there
are problems on the horizon.
Let's play heart-lung machine, heart-lung
machine.
If someone wants to spend every minute of every day with you,
you are going to get crowded out and claustrophobic. Everyone
needs time by themselves. Don't get involved with someone who
seems to have nothing else in their lives besides this relationship
- it will eventually become a burden.