Juggling work and family:
7 coping strategies
Here are some things to think about as you work to figure out
your juggling act.
1. Prioritize. Before you
try to come up with solutions, it is
essential that you spend some time reflecting on all that you
are doing.
In the midst of not even having enough time to sit down for
a cup of coffee, making time to reflect can be challenging in
and of itself. In order to figure out which things you really
must do now, which things can wait and which things you can
let go of altogether, you need to look carefully at all of the
things you are currently doing and determine which are the most
important. It would be useful to have all of these discussions
with your partner.
2. Explore options. Take
a look at everything you are doing, the number of hours you
are working, the other responsibilities you have taken on, the
demands of the house and of course, the responsibility for your
child. Include in this conversation a look at your family's
budget.
Are there ways to cut back for a year or two? Do you have any
other resources available? It is also important to look at various
work options. Could you or your partner change your work schedule
or the number of hours you work? Would it be possible to do
some part of your work from home? (Some people love
this solution and others find it brings its own challenges.)
Think
through many different possible scenarios and try to figure
out if any are doable.
3. Share the load. Men's
participation in home and family has
increased significantly in the last 20 years. However, statistically,
the number of hours employed women spend on parenting and housework
still greatly exceed the number of hours that men spend doing
the same tasks. This doesn't necessarily mean that men are unwilling
or uninterested. Many women feel ambivalent about sharing the
caring. They may feel as if their expertise is being threatened
by sharing more equally with their partners. Many women find
themselves being critical of the efforts of the other parent
in relation to household tasks and parenting. Many partners
feel hesitant to pitch-in for fear of being "inadequate."
It is important to look carefully at the division of labor in
your family. Is it working optimally for both of you or could
it be shifted? How could it be shared more equitably? Are there
adjustments both parents need to make in order for it to happen?
4. Combine tasks. Some
of your many tasks can be combined. Taking a walk with baby
(and partner?) after work will give you some time together and
also a chance to stretch and exercise. You can provide a safe
place on the floor in the kitchen for your child to play, observe
and talk with you while you are fixing dinner. Taking a bath
together is one way some families enjoy time together. Sometimes
the activities will take longer, doing them together, but will
be well worth the effort.
5. Enjoy quality time.
Remember also, that it is important for you to have some family
time where you are focusing simply on baby, self or partner.
Babies have their own special pace and communication system.
Slowing down, getting on "baby time" and on baby's
level will allow you to reconnect in significant ways and to
join your baby in seeing the world from his perspective. You
may lie on the living room floor together or sit on the couch
with baby lying beside you. Holding and cuddling are also lovely,
but it is different to have time to be close to your baby just
observing what he does with his body on his own. There is so
much to see and learn and your baby will enjoy your quiet attention
and responsiveness to him.
6. Simplify. Your child
will only be a baby once. Your house will be a mess for a long
time. Spend time with your baby. Clear a path through your house
so you can get on the floor and hang-out and enjoy your baby.
Very simple, nutritious meals can be thrown together quickly.
Sandwiches, smoothies, quesadillas, there are many options for
15 minutes or under dinner prep. Remember also that your baby
doesn't need things so much as she needs you. Buying lots of
stuff is not only costly, it clutters up your home. Keep toys,
clothes, furniture, food as simple as possible. Your child is
not going to remember that $35 toy 20 years from now. She is
going to remember that she had time where you
really listened to her, enjoyed time with her and shared yourself
with her.
7. Remember, it's a balancing act.
Most parents never find a moment in which they feel perfectly
caught up on all the things they expect themselves to do. If
you consider this a normal state you can learn to relax about
it. Balance isn't something you necessarily find as a parent,
it is something you are always moving towards. One week you
will get lots of good things done at work and the house will
be a wreck. The next week, you will leave work early to spend
some extra time picking your child up at childcare and hanging
out at home. The following week, you might arrange a time for
yourself to exercise, but you have to leave your desk a mess
and the dishes undone. Balance doesn't happen in any one instant,
but it can happen in the long run.